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Tuesday, January 24, 2006
New Life

Today, I woke up early, in fact the earliest this year-6.30am. I woke up... waiting to send my sister to school. It really bring back old time when I was her age, wake up at 6am, having milo as breakfast, waiting for bus at 6.45am.

After sending my sis to school, we came back waiting for dad to go for breakfast. Before that, we went to wet market then we went to nearby Kopitiam to drink tea and chicken rice. I feel so sleepy now... guess I still not too use to wake up so early.

Yesterday night, I have decided to start a new life from today onwards. Because of someone, that he make me realize that I could make a different if I want it to be different and only if I want to. It always starts from ourselves. What make you move forward? Motivation to make you success...
For me... It's love.

Susan...
You made mistakes, a lot of mistakes... you tortured yourself way too long. You need to wake up and accept whatever that has been done.Please try to make yourself happy, try to be selfish for once. Don't worry about other things... It's time to make a different.

Love moves in mysterious way, its a waste of time to think how it work. Just listen to your heart.

Sunday, January 22, 2006
Came Back from Ipoh

I just came back from Ipoh-Ryan's hometown. Well, from first day I went there, I was not feeling well, I feel headache and bodyache all the time. I was mentally, emotionally and physically effected throughout my stay at his house. I even knocked myself till I had to paste one ugly plaster at my foot. =.="All this makes me kept to myself all the time. I was veryy quiet.... While Ryan was not feeling well either, I guess. At least I know that, he's kinda unhappy because I had to go back early before his birthday which is tomorrow. 23 01 2006

There isn't much I could do for him, cause he said that, he's used not to celebrate his birthday and receiving gift. I wanted to buy something for him but... he doesn't want anything. I feel bad, but what to do. I had to go back early. Well, I hope he understand. =.="

I didn't get to taste all Ipoh food, like I said, we aren't feeling well, so we stay at home most of the time and most of the time, its kinda bored but luckily, there are 3 rabbits that accompany me. They don't have a name, and they just call them Bit, short form of rabbit.

There's a piano, but, I don't have my music sheet. So, I can't play or practise at all, eventhough I wish so hard that the thing appears in front of me.

Most of the time, I online using Handphone, chatting with friends... there is one friend, we kinda contact everyday. Its kinda weird and I'm happy. ^^

This few days, I feel weird and act weird. It doesn't like myself. I don't know why. I miss my PC, I really miss my PC, all my songs.... argg... (well, I'm using my old laptop right now which is now belong to my brother's). Lucky, now we streamyx at home, hahaha, so happy. I get back my mp3 player from my stepmom and now I'm downloading songs...

Anyway... Tomorrow is Ryan's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY O!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Pictures Pictures

Yeah~~! I so genius, finally I managed to transfer my picture from my handphone to my pc without using Memory card reader. Hahah... I used my unless 2.0mp digital camera to transfer the file using USB cable.



My first DIY product lo.. haha, one is for Amanda's birthday, another one is for my baby sister. hehe...




First time in my whole life that I see our house experiencing flood. >.<


Thought of sending to character drawing competition but I actually missed the due date. >.< (kek sei ngo>





My birthday treats... RM50+ Pizza and beers... =p




Crazy d... posing pula...



Haha Yean Fern and Lay Fen during our dinner at MP japanese restaurant, forgotten its name d.. hahaha

Right now, I should be in Ipoh for few days, won't be blogging for few days, aih,.. gonna miss my pc o~~

Happy Holiday mmu-ians~! & Happy Chinese New Year to all chinese~!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Regrets that stay forever

I remembered the first time when he talked to me, he is the only one I remembered during the time when I was isolated in a place that I was unfamiliar with. He asked for my name. I told him, ... he said, "You're cute". From that time, I followed him whenever he go. He used to hold my hands to walk. He introduce me to his family even to his dog which I love so much. Once in a while, there will be note in my desk. A note which said, "I Love You".

That time, I was too young to understand the words, but I feel happy to read it because 'he' wrote it to me. However, things turn ugly years after that, we no longer talk or smile to each other. There was misunderstand happen but I never had the courage to tell him that it wasn't what I want to happen and hope he will forgive me, but its too late, he never talk to me again after that.

Everytime I see him, I feel my heart beat pumped so fast that I couldn't even control myself. That time, I wanted to runaway from him, but then, my heart felt so pain that I shed tears every single night because I lost a very very best friend. A kind, loving and caring friend that I love so much and because of my cowardness that I actually killed the friendship.

As years goes by, there's a boy that taken my heart away. He was once a great enemy to me and I hate him so much that I doesn't want to meet everyday but ... I met him every day, day and night... whatever I do, there will be something from his mouth that hurts me.

He, ... likes to report to me who's my admirer is which is something that I don't want to know and it makes me hate him so much. Then, I started to feel something else in his eyes when he looked at me. Something that makes me feel that he's angry and he walked away. He will blushed everytime he look at me and secretly look at me when I chat with my girls friend. He changed, he ... doesn't tease as often as he use too,

His changes make me have unexpectable feelings for him. I missed his voices, his happy hyper active energy, his face.

Too young to understand, I was in deep confusion of my own feelings that keeps me away from getting closer to him eventhough I wish to know him more and care for him. He lost his mother, just like me, I understand his feeling but yet, I only can look at him from afar, dream of him when I sleep and even named my favourite teddy by his name. I secretly and crazily feel in love with him. He is the one that take my heart away from the first time I saw his eyes.

I know his one of those trouble makers, everyone hates him, but I know deep inside him, there's one kind, caring and loving heart and I understand.

You know what, I couldn't confess to him eventhough the very last minutes we've been together. I regret that I let go of the relationship. Something that I never work hard to achieve it and yet runaway from it especially love. He is the one that I hate and the one that I love so much.

Both of them... are still in my mind eventhough how much I try to forget them but they keep appearing in my dreams. I understand that, no matter how much I blamed myself for not expressing the feelings. I wish I could express my feelings to them... I know ... it will never change anything. At last, it is just my regrets, that stay forever.

Thursday, January 12, 2006
Yui - Life

rrrThis morning, I received a call from my stepmom, and my dad's SMS, wishing me Happy Belated Birthday. ^.^ I'm happy.. eventhough its 2 day late, at least they remember.

Today... I cook spagetti again.. the same as yesterday... the only different is, today I add mushroom. =D hehe... taste nice~

Besides that, erm... what I did... sign up Neo pets. hehehee
Tobie

Kawaii ne~~ ^.^

I finally found the song I want - Yui's Life which is from Bleach 5th Ending soundtrack



YUI - LIFE

Doro darake yo najime nai tokai de
Onaji you ni warae nai utsumuite aruita no
Isogi ashi de surechigau hito-tachi
“Yume wa kanai mashita ka?”
ATASHI mada MOGAite iru

In the city I'm not used to that's full of dirt,
I can't laugh the same and I walked with my head down
People pass by in a quick pace
I ask "has their dreams come true?" But I'm still struggling


Kodomo no goro ni modoru yori mo
Ima wo umaku ikite mitai yo
Kowagari wa umare tsuki

I want to try living in the present
rather than returning to my childhood
It's my nature to be a coward

Hi no atari basho ni dete
Ryoute wo hirogete mita nara
Ano sora koete yukeru ka na?
Nante omottanda

If I go to a sunny spot and stretch my arms out,
I wonder if I can go beyond the sky
that's what I thought


Tobitatsu tame no tsubasa
Sore wa mada mie nai
KANTAN ni ika nai ikite kara yukeru

The wings I use to fly away are still invisible
It's because it's not simple that I can go on living


Nureta koinu hiroi ageta dakede
Chotto warae chau hodo
Namida ga koborete kita
Aisaretai aisaretai bakari
ATASHI itte ita yo ne
Motomeru dake ja dame ne

I just picked up a wet puppy
and for a while, I laughed so much that tears spilled
"I want to be loved, I just want to be loved"
is what I said. It's no good just to ask for it


Kodomo no goro wa MAMA no koto
Hidoku kizutsuketa
Hi mo atta yo ne kawari tai
Ima zenbu

When I was a child, there were days when I hurt my mom badly
I want to change everything


Hi no ataru basho ni dete
Kono te wo tsuyoku nigitte mitai
Ano basho ano toki wo kowashite

I can change my life
I went to a sunny spot and tried holding your hand tightly
I will destroy that place, that time so I can change my life


Demo kokoro no naka subete wo
Totemo tsutae kire nai
KANTAN ni ika nai kara
Ikiteyukeru

But I really can't express everything that's in my heart
It's because it's not simple that I can go on living


Hi no ataru basho ni dete
Chizu wo hirogete miru kedo
I know... You know...
Mayoi michi mo shikata nai

I can change my life
I went to a sunny spot and spread out my map, but
I know... You know... that even the path of doubts can't be helped
I can change my life


Sugite kita hibi zenbu de
Ima no atashi nanda yo
KANTAN ni ika nai kara
Ikite yukeru

All the days that have passed make up the me that's here now
It's because it's not simple that I can go on living


For the translation, credit goes to this site http://www.corichan.com/lyrics/yui.html#life

She's not only pretty, she has a very sweet voice and talented. If I'm not mistaken, this song was self composed by her. Cool, huh? For download, look for the link at upper right of this page.
Support Original ya~~ =p

Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Nothing better to do...

Yesterday night (10.01.2006) couldn't sleep, not feeling happy yet I don't know what make me so unhappy eventhough I try to be happy. So, I went to 7 Eleven and brought 3 600ml beer and come back.

I'm so 'cha' (useless) because I only manage to finish 1 and 1/2 bottles and Ryan drank 1/2 bottle. Maybe because I was drinking alone after Ryan finish his third glass, and my roomate also went to sleep and what left is me drinking in darkness. LOL and one other reason is Carlsberg really taste worst than ever. Have you taste sweet beer? ~.~

So... I slept around 4 something, then woke up around 6 something, 6.6 I guess... Then, went to bed again.

When I woke up, its already afternoon 3pm. So, went to wash and all... cook my own recipe of spagetti ~ Butter garlic spagetti. Hehe, nice~~ but its too little. ~.~ so, after 2 hour, went to pasar malam with Lay Fen, brought Rojak, Ryan's Oyster and Cincau Soya. Came back, watch 2 episode of Express Boy~damn funny. hehehe... you must watch.

Then, ... went to take a nap =p woke up around 11 something.

Sigh... today, beside eating, cleaning my laundry, wash the dishes, there's nothing else I do. What a waste, huh?

Oh ya, discussed with Ryan on our plan for holiday~~~~~ yeah!
the result -> going back to Klang on Monday, going to Ipoh the next day, then... dunno what to do the next few days, come back to Klang on Saturday. @_@
Suddenly feel like eating Ipoh food. 6.6 dunno why, feel hungry eventhough I just ate not long ago. Hungry~~

*looking for food...

To be continued...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006
22nd Birthday

Few hours from now, first day of my 22nd years will over. Am I happy? well, I don't know... I feel happy yet I feel unhappy. So I really don't really don't know how I feel. Anyway, thanks to Ivan, Han Wei, Lay Fen, Shahzlan, Lee, Amurthavalle, Peiti, Jessie and Ryan for wishing me happy birthday. Thanks a lot. I'm really happy eventhough its just a wish.

Well, my family forgotten... but luckily my cute brother still remember and wish me.

Feel a bit dissappointed... my mom didn't call, don't know what is she thinking. didn't see her for couple of years know. I don't want to visit her but then, I have to, coz she still my mom.

Today is one special day, I woke up, do my laundry, then found out I forgotten to open up the hole for the outlet. By the time, I know, its too late, I mess up the whole kitchen, so I have to do the "sweep and mop" duty. Then, I took a icy cold shower...
After that, call up pizza deliver, ... order Meal Combo 2 for four person and Chicken wings. Around 6, we take dinner, then suddenly weird things happen, suddenly short circuit, but dont' know which part.

That is when I found out that Ivan staying the same area as I staying here. lol

Sigh... I feel like drink beer or whisky to make myself drunk. This year no birthday cake. This is the first time happen to me.

How I wish I could have a birthday that someone can drive me out somewhere beautiful have dinner, party or something. Something that people can do for me, but I guess. Its useless. huh? everything have to come from myself.
I guess... as we grow up, people around us will slowly slowly dissappear, at the end. There will be only you.

...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUSAN.

Monday, January 09, 2006
Right Here Waiting

3 hours from now, I'm officially older one year...

This new blog version is a present for myself, designed everything in 1 night, eventhough there some error somewhere, but anyway, I'm happy with it.

I already got I gift from Lay Fen and Yean Fen, they bought me a headphone. ^.^ Thank you very much.

Haha... Han Wei is the first to wish me, thank a lot.

I guess, this year birthday, not much people will remember, eventhough I wish everyone will remember. Anyway, its not a big deal right? 6.6 I don't feel happy, nor feeling sad, it happen everytime when it comes to this date. Wish to get myself together and dont' take it seriously. Afterall, it just a birthday, an increase in number that all.

I loves all my friends, but I don't know how they really feel about me. What about you?

Anyway, I hope my family will remember this day, the day I was born to the world. I would love to hear from my mom wishing me Happy Birthday or even call me. Last year, there's not sound from her. Hope this year, She will remember and I will wait for her call. Right here... waiting.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Month of celebration?

First few days of 2006 is just like every other day, besides, getting busy with designing stuff for Trinite, which is a beginning for to improve my social skills and getting serious about business stuff. Anyway, I'm grateful to have the chance. lol, what am I talking about? OOT already, duh~!

Ok, This is month is "The Month of Celebration" you would agree with me on this. Yes, besides New Year day, Chinese New Year, and Hari Raya Haji, 4 of us including closest friends "He" and ME marked our Birthdays. And.. also, my anniversary.

Anyway, 1st January 2006 is our 3rd anniversary and it is also new year day.Hehehe... We love each other very very very much eventhough we didn't went to watch cinema, or eat expensive at luxury restaurant, instead, we just called up Pizza Hut delivery for dinner. Hehe... I feel contented already because "he" really cares and love me very very very much. I'm happy to be with him. ^.^ Wish him good luck on your assignments and exams~!

Then 2nd January 2006, is our friend, Yean Fern's Birthday... We didn't celebrate together this because of some "reason". We will get to that later.

On the 10th January 2006, jeng~!jeng~! is my birthday. Ya, and this is what I talking about, and it is also Hari Raya Haji, and also, its on exam week. People a busy either studying or going for holiday. We don't have the time to celebrate. Not this year. ... ... ... T-T You do understand my feelings, don't you? T-T don't you? T-T

ok, next, 19th January 2006, is my dear roomy, lay fen's birthday. Too bad its during holiday. She will be at her hometown by that time.

Then on 23th January 2006 is "his" birthday... ^.^ *hint *hint

Lastly is Chinese New Year Day~! fall on the 28th of January, time to gether around with family. Take angpao *yeak *yeak wear new dress~~ heeh...

But...

I haven't buy anything yet. T_T I wonder if the economic is slowing down recently. I have the feeling that people are running out of cash nowdays. Price of goods starts to boost up, even school fees are up, just today newspaper, not sure whether i'm right or not. Hopefully, whatever I feel is not right.

That's why I understand that, life is getting difficult everyday as we grow up. However, I keep telling myself to look at the positive side and live with it, then I would be happier.

Anyway, I hope for digi camera this year, but I don't think I'll get it. Just have to work harder, study harder and to become a useful person to earn more money.

Happy Happy Happy

Sunday, January 01, 2006
New Year ~ 2006

Yeah~! New Year has come~~~~ year 2006. I'm so happy, There's a lot of hope for this year. A new chapter to begin with new life.

What past is already a past, but it will stay with me as memory. Let me refresh what I have done throughout year 2005.

Em...
let me see...

2005
First, having the greatest birthday party for my 21st birthday, that is when all my friends came just to celebrate my birthday. There is the most unforgettable memory.
Celebrated 3 person birthday party at my house, hehehe, it was fun.
Still struggling with studies throughout the year, but I'll work hard
IB Event <- my first experience as organizing commitee, having great time, met new friends, learn new lesson and gain new knowledge. Achieved Grade 1 in Piano lesson, yeah~! it was great but I still need a piano. Found my MOM, Yes~~! Bought a new Gaming PC, yeah~!Played SIm2 yeah~! again Bought PS2, but my bro playing more than me ~.~ Went to Emina Event at Cyberjaya, went to visit PT, and Kevy's condo. Met a nice Academic Advisor Made few DiY stuff toys Joined Trinite Designing Division Joined GACC Promotion Division Bought The Da Vinci Code there's a lot more, I can't remember.. =.="

Here's what I hope for 2006,

High Achievement for academic, aim to get dean list
Discipline myself to live a healthy life, sleep early wake up early, drink more water, and etc...
Brush up communication skills, designing skills, music skills, Japanese Language,
Meet my mother,
Get a job, work to earn more money to help Dad
Get a Digital Camera
Get a Keyboard or a Piano Get a Car
Change appearance~image
Travel around Malaysia - Kelantan, Terengganu, Perlis, Pahang, Johor, Sabah & Sarawak
World Peace, free of natural disaster, free of war, free of corruption, free of Inflation, Free of Criminal
Family healthy, wealthy and happiness
Hoping my brother get a job to help family
Join singing competition =p hehe,


that's a lot of hope for this year, ya... hahahaha... But, if there only hopes but no work, then the hopes will be just hope, so we must GAMBATE~! work hard! Let's gambate together~~!!!

I take this opportunity, to ask for forgiveness, if I do or say anything that hurts you. Sometimes, I don't realized that I've said or hurt anyone. So, if I do, I hope you will forgive me. I hope to all my friends & family will forgive me for whatever I did that makes you all worry. I will be strong to face difficulties that comes along the way.



Gomeinasai, sorry~ & HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006~!

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