Regrets that stay forever
I remembered the first time when he talked to me, he is the only one I remembered during the time when I was isolated in a place that I was unfamiliar with. He asked for my name. I told him, ... he said, "You're cute". From that time, I followed him whenever he go. He used to hold my hands to walk. He introduce me to his family even to his dog which I love so much. Once in a while, there will be note in my desk. A note which said, "I Love You".
That time, I was too young to understand the words, but I feel happy to read it because 'he' wrote it to me. However, things turn ugly years after that, we no longer talk or smile to each other. There was misunderstand happen but I never had the courage to tell him that it wasn't what I want to happen and hope he will forgive me, but its too late, he never talk to me again after that.
Everytime I see him, I feel my heart beat pumped so fast that I couldn't even control myself. That time, I wanted to runaway from him, but then, my heart felt so pain that I shed tears every single night because I lost a very very best friend. A kind, loving and caring friend that I love so much and because of my cowardness that I actually killed the friendship.
As years goes by, there's a boy that taken my heart away. He was once a great enemy to me and I hate him so much that I doesn't want to meet everyday but ... I met him every day, day and night... whatever I do, there will be something from his mouth that hurts me.
He, ... likes to report to me who's my admirer is which is something that I don't want to know and it makes me hate him so much. Then, I started to feel something else in his eyes when he looked at me. Something that makes me feel that he's angry and he walked away. He will blushed everytime he look at me and secretly look at me when I chat with my girls friend. He changed, he ... doesn't tease as often as he use too,
His changes make me have unexpectable feelings for him. I missed his voices, his happy hyper active energy, his face.
Too young to understand, I was in deep confusion of my own feelings that keeps me away from getting closer to him eventhough I wish to know him more and care for him. He lost his mother, just like me, I understand his feeling but yet, I only can look at him from afar, dream of him when I sleep and even named my favourite teddy by his name. I secretly and crazily feel in love with him. He is the one that take my heart away from the first time I saw his eyes.
I know his one of those trouble makers, everyone hates him, but I know deep inside him, there's one kind, caring and loving heart and I understand.
You know what, I couldn't confess to him eventhough the very last minutes we've been together. I regret that I let go of the relationship. Something that I never work hard to achieve it and yet runaway from it especially love. He is the one that I hate and the one that I love so much.
Both of them... are still in my mind eventhough how much I try to forget them but they keep appearing in my dreams. I understand that, no matter how much I blamed myself for not expressing the feelings. I wish I could express my feelings to them... I know ... it will never change anything. At last, it is just my regrets, that stay forever.
