What happen the day before today
I went to Ning shy's birthday yesterday. And it turn out to be something else than I expected it will be. There was plenty of food but I can't force myself to eat more, and there's so many people but I can't force myself to know one... It is something like a family gathering thing. My other friend mostly didn't turn up. So, It was me alone in the party. T.T
I'm a bit nervous when I first reach there maybe because this is the first time I went to somebody else's party. I even shaken when I take food, and I can't believe that I pour some orange juice on my newly bought pants. *Sigh
Everything was pretty simple, people come eat and go including me, there's nothing else I can do there. There's nothing to talk Ning Shy either. We both still feel like a rival even now. *Sigh...
She looks very happy, her family and her boyfriend pamper her so much. She's one lucky person. You know, I begin to think about what exactly is my main problem. I think think... maybe its because I'm a very jealous person. I get envy of people easily because they are happy and everytime I will start to think whether I'm happy. doubtly asking myself. Am I happy? I got so many things to worry and I know that I'm worry because I care about people around me. I want to make people happy, but there isn't anything that I can do to make them happy but to worry about them...and I sacrifice my time for my self.
When I realize this, I know that its going to be difficult to let go certain things that I care for especially about my family, my boyfriend, my studies, my future, my past and my friends.
I wish god know what understand how I feel and send me some guidance to ease my pain. I'm suffering because of me. There's one thing... god.
*Sigh...
